Change and the Ego

The energies of this week have been intense to say the least with solar flares and a full moon rising in just three days.  I must say that I have been bumping into more than a few egos along the way.  I can assure you that this is not the first time and won’t be the last time for me.  I want to talk to you about change and the ego.  First, let’s delve slightly into change.

Change is an ongoing process.  It’s inevitable.  Things will always change, no matter how much you want them to stay the same, they don’t or won’t, and even can’t.  This certainly is an argument for living in the now.

I grew up in a very tumultuous home; my mom converted our house into a boarding house, she battled mental illness, my parents were divorced which meant us kids moving from house to house, my brother was difficult with his own issues.  It was uneasy at best.  However, in hind sight it taught me a very valuable lesson, and that is the lesson of change and rolling with it.

Now, just like everyone else, change can be hard for me, especially when my ego doesn’t want to let go due to perceptions of need, lower self esteem, or some other lacking quality.  Yet, the key here is the word perceptions.  These things are not true.  The way to combat change is to move with it, grow, build, and evolve.  We must stretch ourselves and try new things constantly.  This means educating ourselves, learning, whether it is a formal education or studying on your own, reading about new things, taking a hobby, or spiritual class.

For me one of the ways I push myself is with this blog.  I both research new concepts and rehash old lessons to express them in new ways.  Just setting up the blog was an education all on its own.  I’m still trying to figure it out!  Being open to the experience, that is what pushes the brain to build new pathways, which in turn allows for new skills, new confidences, builds self esteem and understanding.

I believe that in spirit we are all-knowing, on this physical plane we are here to experience, and through knowledge and experience we gain understanding.  This, in my opinion is the journey of the soul.  So rolling with change enhances that.  The change creates greater opportunities to participate in experience.

Now on to ego, when we are challenged by something, the specifics of change or a repetitious cycle that we continue to fight against; this is an area of opportunity as well.  It is an place that we need to stretch and grow.  It’s an issue for that person.  It holds fears or insecurities, not being enough, not getting the basic needs met in some way.  Anytime you run into some big ego, that is feeding itself, usually with negative attention, understand that that is that person’s pain.  It’s a wound.  It’s a hole in their spirit that needs attention.  This attention is often gained by behaviors that are self serving, perhaps silly or irrational, but try and shift your perspective to see it as this injury.  You can push them and support them to help it heal, but like building self esteem, the only way to repair the ego is for the person to do it themselves.  They must want to let go of the negative cycle that is perpetuating the wound and begin to cauterize, doing the work necessary to make the repairs.

I believe in people, and I tend to see the good in them, however, I’m a pusher.  I push people to stretch and pull themselves.  I’m tough on myself and in turn, I am tough on others.  I have high standards and high ethics.  I push myself damn hard to live up to those standards.  Perhaps it is one of my failings, I don’t know, but with that comes immense change and skill acquisition.  I am always shifting, and trying new things.  I am building stuff all the time, relationships, books, poems, blog, systems, businesses…  I do life coaching and I am often helping people to build themselves.  I think that there is a place for everyone at the table, equally.  However, during my years as a psychotherapist, I learned one HUGE rule, and that is never work harder than your client!  Your client or whoever you are trying to help, or push, or whatever, has to be willing to do the work also.  I will stand in the trenches with you, but we need two shovels and a willingness to forge ahead.

Challenging the ego can be a touchy thing.  People hold on to their egos as if their lives depended on it.  However, if they loosened their grip and took the path to self improvement as intensely as they held onto their beliefs about themselves, they would see that really the ego is just a crutch.

Most often when we are talking about an ego, it is an over inflated one.  They are the guru, the fixer whatever.  I don’t know, maybe that’s what I am too.  I am working on myself every day.  It’s hard and it’s ugly.  It’s a constant battle, but I get up and do it.  I am happy if you want to walk along beside me.  I will cheer you, I will hold your hand, hold your hair when you puke, and tell you every ugly truth about yourself.  I will also be open when you do those things for me.  I probably won’t like either, but being uncomfortable is where the growth happens.  You can count on me to be that brutally honest.  I am fierce and loyal. I am a big personality; I am tough and smart.  I am also an old soul and that pisses the hell out of people because I challenge them in ways they don’t want to be challenged; but I am also the person standing beside you with full love in my heart and truly, sincerely, happy for you in your successes.  I believe in equality and teamwork.  I haven’t gotten this far alone.  I am fortunate enough to have had at least one amazing woman in every stage of my life, cheering me on and teaching me that I am enough.

Through the challenge and opportunity of change and the targeting of the wounds of the ego, we each can strive for personal improvement, finding the celebration of successes together in this journey.  It’s not easy, but nothing worthwhile is.  We gotta think outside of the box and forge on for new ideas to move the soul.

2016 copyright by Katie Pifer, available at

think outside the box


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